Kay eN U again

I found closure on Friday night…
I figure the reason why I have been so hung up on Kay eN U is because I thought I never stopped loving him…
I spent Friday night/most of Saturday morning with him and I realized that what I have loved all this time is the idea of being in love…
Do not get me wrong o…Kay eN U is a wonderful man and I know that any woman he ends up with will marry a man who loves her totally…and I know I am not that woman.

He didn’t understand why I needed to spend time with him…I needed to find closure…to put penicillin on that wound, so it would heal weal. I needed to know that he didn’t love me. That he was involved with another woman. I needed to say to myself and mean it.

I have never been in his house before…it is nice…comfy…has a woman’s touch. It could be his sister/mother etc, but that would be living in a fools’ paradise… I saw MAJOR signs that there was a woman who had a strong influence. I saw a brochure from a university that I know he will not attend (I know he won’t go there because he & I went to the same school), and I lifted it up to look at because I wasn’t wearing my glasses and I saw a letter with a woman’s name addressed to his parents’ house and it was not his sisters’ name. I also saw a nice frame, I can’t remember the right words, but it is about him being special in the heart of God and that the person who gave him the frame’s heart agrees. I am GLAD I saw it.

He obviously fought with himself, as usual; I am sorry if I led you into doing anything you didn’t want to do because I know you are a decent man. I will never have anything negative to say about him…it is real proof that I sincerely loved him…

Sweetiem, when you read this,I want you to know I waited all these years for you to say that you are sorry for stomping on my heart when you knew I loved you…I would close my eyes and see you…I loved you so much that I know your smell…the way your speech has a lisp(I hope that is the right spelling). I know how you are feeling when you crack your toes…or when you get really quiet.

I loved you so much…and I am relieved to use “D” behind the word love.

I pray that we both have made the right decision by walking away from each other. You walked away a LONG time ago; I am just about to begin my own journey.

May you find the woman who will love you as I genuinely did.

P.S
I had some candles the my girls A and E bought for me years ago for my birthday and told me to burn them when we got back together…I burnt those candles last month…and I only just remember they were for you.